It’s fascinating how people come and go, how we sometimes welcome them in our lives repeatedly, hoping for improvement. It goes better or worse and each time, we learn from it. That’s how life goes, anyway.
Not so long ago, I mentioned being friends with people I didn’t ever think I would, right? Well, this is about how I wasn’t friends with someone who was supposed to be just slightly more. The story of it is quite upsetting and I frankly consider it irrelevant to this entry, so I’m simply going to describe what I’ve learned.
It was the third big time, yet the thousand small argument my former best friend and I had. It was surprising to see how many times you could repeat yourself and have people still not fully comprehend and do you wrong over and over again. And you get hurt every single time, but wait for them to come back to you. If they do, it’s as if nothing happened. Personally, it took me about two years to get to know a person so well in order to question my decisions the next time they say sorry, to accept their apologies, yet feel like nothing has changed. You could’ve been separated or not and it would feel the same. Not even offering your affection would matter. You’d miss them terribly, though. It’s strange.
It feels they’re just not that into you anymore, platonically. They may know you just as much as you know them, but they don’t show as much interest, their eyes don’t meet yours anymore with the same intensity and the conversations don’t flow anymore. Why? You don’t trust them anymore and they don’t trust you either. Even if they do, you are still damaged. Between you and them, you matter more to yourself, so your emotions (and yours only) are your priority – then comes everything else.
In my case, it went okay. We’ve met and I (hope I) helped him with what needed. One of my friends came along and that cheered me up a lot, she’s an astonishing presence. Sincerely, she’s amazing. I love her and I can’t wait to see her this Monday! Unrelated.
However, I’ve talked about my encounter with this individual who used to be a huge part of life, that happened to be somehow relaxing and helped me realise that, although he is not a bad person, he will never really change the way I want him to be and if so, I’ll have to accept it. Now, I’m going to deliberately tell you how I am feeling grateful for the existence of the past few months. They’ve been great.
I can literally sense how I am starting a new chapter of my life.
With ups and downs, hugs and kisses and all sorts of intimate moments, it gets better. It gets from crying that one night to seeing yourself next to a special person for slightly more than a mere second. You laugh, you’re nervous, stressed and uneasy on some things, yet at the end of the day, your emotions all come down to whom got you up to cloud number nine, to whom you’re comfortable enough to be yourself, to whom fades away all your insecurities unknowingly. Your friends, your lover, or any person you are aware aided you create deep feelings (of all sorts) for them, should be rewarded accordingly.
Forget about the boy who walks past you every day, glaring like you’ve always been strangers. Forget the people who would talk to you anywhere but in real life. Forget the ones who never truly make time for you. Forget those few slightly less than normal grades you got – everyone has their bad days. Forget the sources of unhappiness.
Embrace what you have.
Embrace the heels that make you walk confidently. Embrace the people who supported you in the moments not even you were sure you were doing the right thing. Embrace the moments you spent near someone special who was –pun intended– embracing you warmly and talking about God knows what. Embrace the awkward seconds that transcended into laughter. Embrace the small greetings on the hallway. Embrace that lent cigarette.
Embrace yourself. Reach for what you don’t have, and you’ll soon get it.
The conclusion would be that “seasons change, but people don’t“. Again, just like seasons, they will come and go. Sometimes, as they please; sometimes, as they should. You can be upset. What you feel towards them doesn’t have to determine how you feel about the memories you’ve created around them. If they’d made you live the best day of your life, why would you change your opinion on something with such an impact on your life because of that? It happened with their past personalities, with your past personality. Who they are now won’t change who they were back then. Remember that.
Do as you please to make your life better. The past is further from you than the future.