Growing up sucks. You learn that your relationships can be extremely questionable, that ramen noodles are not that bad and that an object has multiple purposes. Sometimes, it’s worse to find all of those on your own, sometimes, it can be better.
I’ll tell you what really stinks: writing this while a two year-old is literally screaming near you. My mum and a friend of hers are trying to calm the creature down. And don’t get me wrong, I like children and I would love to see myself as a mother in the future, with the right person near me. The problem is that the kids that I like are the ones in which you see potential. You know what I’m talking about. You look into their eyes and just see it.
And then, there’s this thing shouting because he can’t find the objects that are right near him and that my mum won’t let him fall down the stairs and probably die. What a bummer.
Whatever, my mum decided it would be a brilliant idea to let him play with my old toys and brought some downstairs, action immediately followed by me giving dirty looks from behind the laptop. How dare she ruin my toys on that careless animal. She was showing him all the plushies in a bag and came across this cat I used to play with a lot.
She just threw it at me and said: “Look at this, did you forget about this?” I am not going to lie to you, all the nostalgia which has been building up for a while exploded inside of me. I’m staring at Skinny as I am typing, as a matter of fact. Yes, its name is Skinny, how about you stop judging me. Look at the thumbnail and you will understand why. All of the stuffing from her “neck” has fallen to her bottom, thus creating a very slim top part. I suppose I just wasn’t too creative as a child.
I keep looking at this kid, at the two adults running around the house to take care of him, and at the toy cat near me. Where has time gone? I feel uneasy, since I am ignored. Not that I mind the loneliness, and I am perfectly capable of looking after myself…it’s the idea of being spoiled by someone who cares about you that intrigues me rather a lot. I’ve come to the conclusion that after we manage to detach ourselves from our parents, not completely, we still have this need. Most of us still crave attention and are disappointed when we do not see ourselves as anyone’s priority.
And I still haven’t found myself as one. I’ll keep you updated. (might turn this into a series?)
Good luck, I guess?